Scars of torture from Cameroon
Maria fled to Britain and sought asylum after brutal treatment at the hands of police in her native Cameroon. She spoke to Richard Holt.
By Richard Holt
Published: 3:46PM BST 28 May 2010
Maria finds being interviewed a very uncomfortable process. She agreed to talk about what happened to her in a bid to raise awareness of the violence that lies behind many applications for asylum.
She was born into a comfortable middle class family in Cameroon. At the age of 32 she was living with her parents and working as a midwife. She knew that her father, a doctor, was involved in politics in some way but she had no idea to what extent.
"I knew he used to go to some political meetings, but I didn't know he was a part of the anti-government movement."
One morning Maria was working at the hospital when her boss came and said she must go home straight away. She rushed back and found the house surrounded by dozens of local people.
She was told that her father had been shot dead. Her mother, who was not with him at the time of the shooting, had fallen into a coma when she heard what had happened to her husband. She died six days later.
"A few years before I had lost my big sister, so now suddenly everybody had vanished, just like that."
On top of the devastation of bereavement, Maria was faced with not knowing why her father had been shot. She spoke to friends and neighbours to see if they could help but was met with nervous silence.
Desperation left her feeling she had no option but to "do something that nobody in Cameroon does". She went to the police and started asking questions.
She was immediately arrested and put in a cell. They kept her there for three days and repeatedly raped and tortured her.
"At first I tried to fight them. But at some point I just gave up, knowing I would never win."
It was as they beat her that she was told about her father's involvement with a political party opposed to the government. As she is speaking about what happened in the cell, her eyes stare into the middle distance and her face freezes.
“I can’t talk about that any more. It is in my past and I don’t want to bring it back.”
She was detained on two further occasions, for days at a time, and again tortured and sexually abused. After she was detained the second time her younger sister came to find out what was happening. She was also arrested and forced to endure physical and sexual abuse.
After Maria was released for the third time, she was told her life was in danger and was advised to leave the country as soon as possible. She paid an agent and was brought to Britain.
"They dumped me with the Home Office in London, who provided me with temporary housing.
"I didn't know what was going to happen to me: I didn't speak the language; I didn't know anybody."
Maria found an English language school. One of the teachers realised what a fragile psychological state she was in and referred her to the Medical Foundation for the Care of Victims of Torture in Islington. There she began regular counselling sessions and group therapy with others who had suffered abuse.
"Coping wasn't easy. At first I would just cry all the time. For more than a year I couldn't speak to a man on the street."
Maria was also given practical advice on adapting to life in the UK. While her refugee claim was considered she was not allowed to work and she was forced to change her accommodation countless times. For several years she battled depression as she struggled with the lack of stability and purpose in her life.
"In Cameroon I had a career, and here I found it very difficult to sit at home waiting for my £30 per week.
“And the stress of being told by the Home Office that my story was not true, that Cameroon is a safe country - it was like being tortured all over again."
"But coming to the Medical Foundation really helped. With the counselling the nightmares and the flashbacks came less often and were less overpowering."
Eight years after arriving in Britain Maria has finally been granted indefinite leave to remain. She is now retraining so she can work as a midwife here.
Is she angry about all the time she wasted unable to work?
"Not angry, because I must look to the future, not the past. But it is a shame because by now I could have been working and contributing to society for years."
Maria - not her real name – now has a young family and thinks as little as possible about what happened to her.
"You can't recover completely from the trauma. I don't think you ever can - it's just there and can come back at any time.
"I don't know how I managed to have two children after what happened to me in Cameroon. But I realised that the only way to get past it was to forget and move on with my life."
She still comes regularly to the Medical Foundation, but she no longer needs the intensive counselling. Often now she helps others who have suffered trauma.
"Whatever has happened my advice is always to open yourself up. Find someone to talk to. And then get busy - sitting around doing nothing is the worst thing you can do."
As the conversation moves off her own difficult past and onto the subject of helping others, Maria's eyes sparkle and she offers another piece of advice for anyone getting over a trauma.
"Just sing and laugh, what else can we do? Then you can put it behind you and try to move on."
